Who wouldn't love a Zombie game?

People who know me would describe me as many things: a dutiful daughter, a loving wife, a loud and boisterous friend, a member of the quasi-elitist group known as intellectuals, and even, on a very good day, a relatively good teacher.

In fact, on a daily basis, I do my darndest to teach hoards of eighth graders respect for each other and themselves, as well as a milieu of skills that will (hopefully) get them through life relatively unscathed.

But I have a secret. Sometimes, I just feel the need to shoot something, and rather then schlepping to the gun range, I do something even more satisfactory: I kill Zombies. Yes, despite all my anti-gun beliefs and the non-violent life-skills I try to teach hormonally challenged teenagers, I find it immensely satisfying to pick up a hand-gun shaped plastic controller and blast the h-e-double hockey sticks out of some humanly challenged, grunts that, by all intents and purposes are trying to take over the world.

I love shooting Zombies so much, in fact, that on our first date, I dragged my husband over to the "House of the Dead III" console and a popular gaming restaurant and bar and forced him to play until we were out of tokens on our cards. And whoever said love couldn't be fostered by playing video games?

So this summer, when my husband presented me with the compilation of "House of the Dead II and House of the Dead III" for the Nintendo Wii, I seriously couldn't have been more thrilled. In fact, after kissing him, I do believe my response was:
"Aww, honey, you got me a Zombie game! How sweet" (Don't worry, ladies and gents who grimaced in horror, he got me jewelery, too!)

And being stressed out and fried from a day of dealing with sweaty, hormonal eighth graders, I come home and relish slipping the disc in to the Wii and blasting away to my heart's content.

I have been known to get so into the game that all of my teacherly guises fall away and I shout indiscreet things at the screen. (Shocking, I know, but hey, it provides constant entertainment for friends and husbands alike). One favorite line is: "Die, you chubby bastard, die!" And I, being rather a womanly size, do not hurl insults like this lightly.

Though "House of the Dead II and III" do provide a constant stream of entertainment, that's not to say they are not without their flaws. When playing in "Arcade Mode," I, without a doubt become insanely frustrated by the lack of ability to save. And because the game is impossible to beat, even on "VERY EASY" I inevitably end up having to play Chapters 1, 2, and 3 over and over again.

While I have a soft spot for anything that lets me pick up a zapper and shoot something in the face without the possibility of jail-time, the never ending stream of the same Zombies over and over again, sometimes (actually, more often than not) adds to my stress level because all I want to do is beat the damn game. After all, isn't that every gamers goal?

Add this to the fact that, especially in "House of the Dead 2," the voice-overs are horrifically bad (almost bad enough to make one forgo playing "House of the Dead 2" altogether), this Wii title can only be recommended to those who love a challenge and have almost unending patience. (And remember, this is coming from an eighth grade teacher).

So, if you love kicking the crap out of Zombies, go for it, but be warned: you won't get past the first level the first time you play. Or the second, or third...

With that I wish the best of luck to you intrepid Zombie killers. Don't let those chubby bastards get the best of you, after all: you are the only hope to save humankind from being Zombie chow!

And hey, if any one knows any way to save the blasted game so I don't have to see or hear that damn security guard Zombie ever again, shoot me an email at mirrea@baconicecream.com!